15 Questions Couples Should Discuss Before Marriage

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Many people have asked me, “Eugene, how do I know whether I will be happy in marriage?” “How do I know if someone is a suitable husband/wife?”

Whether you’re getting married soon, or still enjoying the dating phase, I think it’s important to know how to evaluate the suitability of a partner for marriage. For that, I came across a fantastic New York Times article which I would like to share with you. According to relationship experts, the following are the 15 important questions that a couple should discuss before marriage (not in any order of priority):

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    15 Important Questions To Ask Your Partner Before Marriage

1. Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

2. Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3. Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

4. Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

5. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

6. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

7. Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

8. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9. Will there be a television in the bedroom?

10. Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

11. What does my family do that annoys you?

12. Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

13. Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

14. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15. Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

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Phew! What a long list. I’m not sure if I am going to ask so many questions next time. My prospective fiancee will be scared off!!

But then again, these are questions that are bound to surface during married life, and if unresolved, potentially give rise to big quarrels. I suppose I will be more confident to enter into marriage if these issues are discussed frankly and solutions to tricky situations explored before tying the knot.

So I better remind myself to ask these questions next time. You should too, right? :-)

- Eugene

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1 Comment so far

  1. Anand on January 7th, 2007

    Excellent list of questions! I will definitely ask my girlfriend these questions before I propose, even the one on” Will there be a television in the bedroom?”

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