Ask Dr Love
Overcoming Shyness
Dear Dr Love,
About 3 years ago, I was going after girl A when I noticed girl B. I was crazy about girl A so I wasn't really interested in girl B yet. Some time later, I gave up on girl A and was pretty sad or even emotionless for a few months. Slowly, I started to develop a crush on girl B. In fact, I can feel that girl B had some interest in me. Also, a friend of mine told me that girl B said she likes my eyes which only strengthens my belief. By the way, I started liking girl B about 2 years before graduating from secondary school.
Throughout that 2 years, I did nothing other than chatting a little with her over MSN and attended a barbeque organised by her friends and her (They invited my group of friends). I did something 'retardedly' stupid during the BBQ - When I reached the BBQ, she came up to me suddenly and offered some food to try to which I said 'no thanks' in a very deep and low voice so I'm not even sure whether she heard me. Then I walked off -_-. Isn't that super dumb? Yea it is.. Why did I do that?
Even though I like her, I didn't show my interest or worse still, I acted as if I wasn't interested. I think she knows I like her too (thanks to the gossips and rumours in school). So ultimately, there was little contact between us.
Now, a year after graduating from secondary school, we went to polytechnics and didn't contact one another at all until recently. About 2 weeks ago, she chatted with me out of nowhere over MSN and we
asked one another about general info like school etc but it was a short chat. I was very surprised that she suddenly chatted with me. To be honest, I still like her ever since I first set my eyes on her. Its just that I didn't do anything at all because I was too shy and cowardice. Actually, all the while I still like her but it just kind of 'died down' because I didn't dare to do anything. It was only after that chat that I realised I really really like her.
However, though I'm good looking (many girls like me - not flattering myself here ), I am VERY shy in front of girls (especially those that I find pretty). Throughout my life, I have never been comfortable with
girls. I'm 18 years old by the way. I have low confidence. I don't know why I am like this. Its like a phobia? I always don't know what to say and sometimes I speak too fast so my words are end up being unclear.. I haven't called or date a girl for more than 2 years.
Now, I want to go after girl B but I don't know WHERE and HOW to start. We are not close. Or should I move on? Hope you guys can really give me advice. Thanks.
Slacko Dreamz
Dr Love’s Reply
Dear Slacko Dreamz,
From what you described, the main problem you have to overcome will be your shyness. As you have told me, you are good looking so probably you will pass in the looks department. However girls are discerning. They are looking for something more than looks.
Girls generally appreciate guys who are stable, responsible and humorous. If you are able to make a girl laugh on a date, you are somewhere close to winning the girl’s heart as she feels happy being with you and is truly enjoying herself. They also like guys who take the initiative (so go on and get to know her better) and show that they are in control of the situation. Like what you said if you are speaking too fast when talking to a girl, try changing that. Speak slowly and clearly and the girl will be able to feel your air of confidence.
If I were you, I would go with my heart and go after her right now! Tell yourself that you truly like her. It will be too late if she falls for another guy. Remember that you stand nothing to lose but you have everything to gain. A blissful and loving relationship! Do not be afraid of rejection. Continue chatting to her on msn and move on to chatting on the phone. Just ask her casually if she would like to chat on the phone instead and if she’s interested in you, she will be more than willing to oblige. Hopefully after a week or two, pluck up the courage to ask her out on a date 1 on 1. Make this date an enjoyable one and you will be in a very good position to win her heart.
For more information on dating strategies, please refer to our book “Love Clinic: How to Lose Your Bachelor’s Degree”. Good luck and do inform us of your progress!